Excerpt From “The Existentialist Cookbook of Jean-Paul Sartre” – Gingerbread Conformists

Gingerbread Conformists

several cups of flour
baking soda
dark, bitter molasses
brown sugar
orange zest


1. Sift together the dry ingredients. They should resemble the sand on the beach that day when you bid your lover farewell.
2. Mix the molasses, the eggs, and the sugar. Beat until fluffy using an electric mixer or by hand, if you hate yourself already.
3. Combine everything into the mixing bowl.
4. Place the bowl in the icebox.
5. Cry quietly in the silent afternoon house. The children won’t be home from school for hours. If ever.
6. When the dough is chilled, beat it.
7. Take your wallet and only a small bag.
8. Make for the open road.
9. When you stop for the night, give a false name.
10. Sleep the sleep of the dead.
11. Wake to find your regrets have returned.
12. Turn around and return home.
13. Roll the dough thin on a large flat surface.
14. Cut the dough into the shapes of the people you hate.
15. Bake the conformists for 10 minutes or just until they begin to singe at the edges.
16. Remove them from the oven.
17. Share the joy of cannibalism-in-effigy with friends.

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